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Thursday, May 7, 2009

music is the sex in you


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No you haven't clicked on the wrong link. And I haven't gone insane. After an interesting talk with my brother's new girlfriend, who it turns out is a pole dancing teacher, I've come to a conclusion. Given the right music, and few clever tricks, even the prudest or most self conscious of people could unleash their inner sex kitten and pull off a strip tease to be remembered...

And because I love you all so much, and I don't really have that many tricks, so I've decided to delve into the cesspit that is iTunes and find my top five favourite songs to dance to.
So here they are, in true countdown form:

5. Warrant - Cherry Pie.
Not an original idea, I realise. But something an oldie still sheds some magic. This is less of a romantic one on one kind of strip and more of a jumping on the bar and going wild. Your head starts thrashing to the guitar riff. Suddenly the ass and back are moving wildly as the sixteen layers you cleverly wore start getting thrown away. By the time you get to ''licking the beater'' you're kicking your legs out at every cymbol crash, and all sober thoughts are gone.

4. Deftones - Change.
This one is an unusual choice, but a friend suggested it to me, and it quickly became a favourite. Not designed to be all that sexual, or dance-worthy, the song still has all the essential elements of a good strip song. A steady rythmic beat, a voice that combines singing with a kind of aching moan that screams unfulfilled desire and a change from quiet and slow to fast and loud spread throughout the song manages to convince you to let go of yourself. This is more of an eyes closed, super slow hands exploring, hips swaying hypnotically kind of strip. Just remember to shoot him some dark and sultry looks and actually take your clothes off and it'll work.

3. Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me.
What's not to love about this four minutes of pure 80's rock. Throw on one if his button down shirts, unbuttoned, over a matching set of colourful laced lingerie, mess up you hair like Pretty in Pink and just go wild. Show him just how far your back bends and how good your legs look from all angles. When the chorus comes in have fun and pull off your best 80's dance moves. Remember to smile and remind him how fun and crazy you can be and I swear everytime he hears the collection of strong bass guitar and very rough vocals he'll need a private moment.

2. Tweet - Oops, Oh my.
One of the shortest songs in my list, which is probably a good thing as it'll make you very energetic. Missy Elliot and Fabolous both add a bit of rapping to this light and bouncy ditty. I'm not a huge fan of RnB or rap generally but the weird collection of electronic noices that make up the backing tape makes me smile and the repetition of the orgasmic "oops" makes you wanna try out your best Pussycat Dolls impression. Don't deny it, I know you've attempted Don't Cha at least once with a group of drunk friends. So pull out the sideways baseball cap, throw on some shredded skin tight clothes and lace up your highest stilettos, its time to show him just how low you can go. (Dont forget to flick your hair when you "look over to the left").

1. JOI- Lick.
At 6:29 this isnt a quick song to dance to, but the slow rythmic electronic beat sends you into a eyes half-closed kind of trance. Next a combination of male and female vocals quietly moaning and ahhing in unison gets the hips moving, subtly at first but ever growing. Throw in a female voice crying out lyrics dripping in sexual connotations and you can almost see it now... A darkened room, faint light reflecting off your stomach and legs as you slowly sway, your back arching while your head leans back loosened hair falling around your face, hands exploring.... Yer you get the idea... (if not just check out the bedroom scene in xXx)

Don't say I never do anything for you...

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